When we are children, we are in the care of people whom we are supposed to trust to keep us safe and teach us how to make our way in the world. A young woman I know shared a bit of hard-earned wisdom about what an awesome responsibility that is. She said that when someone is a parent, they are not raising a child, they are raising an adult. That means being their first teacher of values and decision-making abilities. Even with the best of intentions, developing youngsters may not have had guidance they needed because their parents didn’t receive it from their parents and so on back down the generational timeline.
What are the hazards of lack of discernment?
- Falling into situations that are dangerous emotionally or physically.
- Aligning yourself with people who expect you to take care of them at your expense.
- Legal entanglement. · Addictive behaviors or substance use disorders.
- Making decisions that are not in your best interest.
- Being recruited into a cult.
That last one might have you shaking your head in bewilderment. What do cults have to do with decision making?
The term “cult” comes from the French word “culte,” which simply means “worship.” In the case of religious, social, or political cults, the worship is more than ideological – it entails the worship of a charismatic leader.
Cults have several factors in common:
- A central doctrine that members are required to adhere to.
- Alienating members from the outside world, family, and friends, expressing that they alone care about the person’s wellbeing. · A ‘my way or the highway’ mindset as professed by the leader.
- Being asked to do things that are against your values.
- Threats and intimidation that can lead to violence by leader or members.
- Starting out welcoming the potential new recruit and making them feel at home.
- They create a sense that what they have to offer is better than what the recruit is experiencing in their lives.
- There is a focus on uniformity rather than individuality.
- Gaslighting is a part of the interactions between members and leaders.
- There may be a utopian vision that the group holds.
- Love bombing is often an aspect of recruitment. · There may be a buy-in for a business opportunity.
- They may ask for money or possessions to support the organization.
- There may be an expectation of sexual interaction with the leaders.
- Sex and labor trafficking may be an expectation.
- They may encourage members to change their identities or names.
- They may be entrenched in conspiracy theory thinking.
- They may demand the ultimate sacrifice of life.
Cults tend to prey on the lonely, vulnerable, or idealistic. A college student who attended a prestigious university was invited to a meeting of a spiritual group by a friend. When he walked into the room, he felt a rush of excitement and a sense of feeling at home. He continued to attend, at the expense of his studies and friends outside the group. Soon, this intelligent man who had solid family support turned away from the familiar and grounding sources of love, in favor of the cult. He began giving them money and spoke their jargon. He dropped out of school, which was alarming to his parents. They ultimately decided to hire a cult deprogrammer to ‘kidnap’ their son and bring him to a hotel room for an intervention. It took many hours carefully peeling away the layers of resistance in a way that felt like emotional surgery. After the weekend, he returned home with his family to heal and recover. After a few months, he decided to go back to school and went on to become a psychologist and cult deprogrammer himself.
If you find yourself entangled in a cult, there are safe methods to plan and execute your escape.