Families are created from love and circumstance, not just DNA. People come together with history and experiences that they share with each other. The winter holidays bring with them a need to figure out how to blend rituals into a blended family, as well. This can be both joyful and stressful as there may be four or more sets of parents and grandparents who could be eager to spend time together. While it may seem impossible, there are extended families who have come to terms with the juxtaposition of roles and can all be in the same room, celebrating together. If that isn’t the case for you, and schedules need to be pieced together like Tetris on a video screen, there are ways to do it to not cause undue distress. Traditions link us to our ancestral roots, and in times when blended families are becoming more prevalent, having something familiar can help all family members to feel more at home, regardless of where and with whom.
There are some who spend the eve of a holiday with one side of the family and then the day of the holiday with the other, possibly switching off the next year. Because Hanukkah and Kwanzaa are multiple days, there is more flexibility.
Religious beliefs and practices may be a factor, as many blended families come from different faith traditions and cultures that can enrich the celebration. With the Winter Solstice falling on December 21, Christmas on December 25, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa beginning on December 26th and New Years Eve on December 31st, there are many possible occasions to enjoy the company of loved ones.
For some families, holidays involve religious observance,s and for others, they are more of a cultural or gastronomical experience.
Some ideas to ease potential stress:
- Ask your partner how they celebrated holidays in their family home, whether family of origin or marriage. They may choose to carry those rituals forth in the new family configuration or blend them to create a beautiful patchwork quilt of traditions.
- You could try the approach of attending services in your community as well as creating together, at-home holiday services and rituals.
- If baking delectable treats was part of a family tradition, it would be fun for the older generation to teach recipes to the younger generation. Some families have a cookie swap, so they get to enjoy a wide assortment.
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen or food pantry so that the children come to understand that holidays are about giving as well as receiving.
- If selecting a Christmas tree, consider buying one that is sustainable and recyclable that comes with the root ball attached. If possible, dig a hole before the holidays and then plant it afterward so that it will grow and thrive for many years afterward.
- Have a family sing along with favorites from your various traditions, or rent a karaoke machine to add some pizzazz to the performances.
- Listen to holiday music. There is a public radio station called WXPN that has a holiday show called Jingle Jams that you can stream 24/7 and a program called The Night Before that runs from midnight on the 23rd of December to midnight of the 24th. The tunes are not the same 30 on rotation that you would hear on commercial stations. It is an eclectic blend that includes multi-genre and multi-cultural songs.
- Donate gently-used toys and clothes to local charities.
- Design homemade decorations to place on the tree or throughout the house.
- Find ornaments that have been passed down through the generations.
- Use a menorah or kinara that belonged to an ancestor or purchase one together as a new family unit.
- Have a holiday movie night.
- Ask family members about their favorite aspects of the holidays.
- Immerse in outdoor activities.
- Don’t compete with the other parents as to who gives the coolest gifts to the kids.
- Set a spending limit on gifts.
- Understand that this is an adjustment for everyone and that in the midst of celebration, there may be a sense of grief.
- Coordinate schedules cooperatively.
- Adopt a family to provide a holiday meal and gifts.