Although there are often disparate beliefs and values in families, the dynamic has ramped up dramatically in the past nine or so years since the presidential campaign of 2016 began. CNN called the 2016 presidential election “the most emotionally draining and overwrought campaign in decades.” And they hadn’t yet experienced the 2020 or 2024 elections and their aftermath!
When Differing Beliefs Go Deeper Than Politics
From the literary world: the book Educated, by Tara Westover. It is the story of a woman who was raised in an abusive, rigid, fundamentalist, anti-science, cult-like environment. She was denied an education and was terrorized by her family. She managed to escape and went on to become a Harvard and Cambridge educated historian. She has freed herself from the terror of her family and has no contact with them, including her physically and emotionally abusive brother and her sister who initially told Tara that their brother had a pattern of assaulting the sister too, but then recanted when her parents said they didn’t believe her.
Building Bridges Across Divides
There may be hope for other families with members who see the world through different lenses. Some ideas:
- Approach controversial topics with a sense of curiosity. Where are their beliefs coming from?
- Be willing to listen with an open mind and open heart.
- Consider that if you had their beliefs, and viewed the world the way they did, you might make the same statements and take the same actions.
- Introduce them to your perspective without being dogmatic.
- Do your best not to dehumanize those with different views.
- Realize that what we would label political beliefs are sometimes considered someone’s identity, which means it might be harder for them to relinquish their beliefs.
- Consider that identifying as Republican or Democrat, Gay or Straight, Liberal or Conservative, might indicate a sense of belonging and a ‘family of choice,’ that might overshadow that of one’s family of origin.
- Avoid stereotypes based on identity politics. Those who belong to certain groups are not monolithic in their beliefs.
One caveat: when you have been in someone’s presence because their rhetoric and actions are trauma triggering, give yourself complete freedom to decline their invitations. If tension within your family feels overwhelming, family counseling can help you navigate differences with more clarity, compassion, and healthy boundaries.