In our society these days, there is a lot of polarization and contention between political parties and between individuals of different persuasions. We can each get very wedded to our beliefs about the world and how we should live. We lose our connection with a broader and deeper sense of what is true and how to be with others in a way where we aren’t so polarized and where we are better able to live free of judgments and from our hearts.

When we judge others harshly, we are also judging ourselves harshly. This is often an unconscious process. How we relate to others is usually a mirror of how we relate to ourselves. For example, many of us have a strong “inner critic” that beats us up inside for not living up to some made-up standard of how we should behave and act in the world. The important words here are “should be.” When we “should on ourselves,” we are living from some programmed or conditioned part of us that tells us we are not living up to our standards of character, ethics, perfection, etc. Then another part of us feels beaten up and wants to either rebel or capitulate in despair. We go back and forth between aligning with one side of this inner polarity, and then the other side. Pretty soon, an inner tug of war has begun. This results in our feeling stuck, depressed, lethargic, and even helpless. (And then we often beat ourselves up for these feelings!) The therapists who work at Soul Wisdom Therapy have helpful tools and techniques to help you work with your inner critic to release its hold on you. We can also help you work through feelings of anger, frustration, and other strong emotions because of feeling misunderstood, frustrated with others, and angry with yourself. We can provide you with ways to lessen the hold of the inner critic and move through the stuck emotional patterns in your life so that you can free up blocked energy and feel more inner tranquility, joy and contentment.

Here’s a little taste of a way to begin to work on this issue on your own.

Begin to notice how the voice of your inner critic –and what it tells you about yourself—is a mirror of one or the other of your parents and what they said when they were critical of you. The things your inner critic tells you are usually things your parent(s) said to you, and almost verbatim! Your parent(s) lives in your head, and the child you were when you reacted to your parent(s) voice also lives in your head. You are re-playing the relationship you had with your parent(s). And you thought once you left home you were done with that!