Groundhog Day has just passed, the holiday that heralds either the unofficial beginning of Spring or another six weeks of Winter. It seems like a good opportunity to look at a culturally adjacent phenomenon by the same name.
The 1993 rom-com Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray and Andie McDowell tells the tale of misanthrope Phil (co-incidentally the same name as the rodent prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil). Phil Connors is sent to Punxsutawney, PA, to his dismay, to cover this meteorological phenomenon. He is a weather man after all, but he feels this assignment is beneath him. Along with Rita Hanson (McDowell), who is his producer, he gets snowbound during a blizzard and for the time being, he must remain in the home of Gobbler’s Knob where the critter lives. Phil wakes up each morning at 6 a.m. to the lilting voices of Sonny and Cher singing, ‘I Got You, Babe’.
Caught in a time loop, he re-lives February 2nd over and over again, including stepping into the same puddle of icy water to avoid his former high school classmate, turned insurance salesperson. He engages in self-indulgent behavior since there are no consequences. He remains angry, frustrated, and entitled, until he realizes that he has a choice about what he thinks, feels, says, and does. He is the only one who initially realizes what is happening to him, since, for all the other characters, time passes. He begins to use what he knows to attempt to seduce Rita. She rebuffs his advances until he finally gets the message that in order for things to change around him, he himself needs to change. He begins to engage in acts of kindness, not for reward, but because it is the right thing to do. He grows a conscience. People start singing his praises and Rita takes him seriously and love blossoms between them, as surely as Spring eventually comes.
What a wonderful metaphor for our lives. Consider times when you have engaged in repetitious patterns of behavior in relationships, on the job or regarding personal habits. In the 12-step recovery community the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results”. A client in an outpatient treatment program told his Philadelphia therapist that he had a new definition of insanity, saying “I know exactly what will happen if I take certain actions and I do it anyway.” He used this example to illustrate, “If I call my dealer, I know for sure that I will end up in Kensington (a neighborhood in Philadelphia, known as a locale for drug sales and use.) within the hour, so I don’t pick up the phone if I want to stay clean.”
Think about the changes you want to make in your life and then ask yourself this question: Is what I am about to do going to bring me closer to or farther away from my goal? If your intention is to wean off caffeine, then going to your favorite coffee shop is probably not the best idea. If you want to lose weight, then going to an all-you-can-eat buffet on a regular basis would dramatically delay reaching your goal. Another recovery-based recommendation is to ‘avoid people, places and things’ related to substance use so as to rewire your brain as it applies to the old pattern of behavior.
How long does it take to change a habit to something healthy and sustainable? Conventional wisdom has held that it takes 21 days but with deeper study and consideration, it was found that it could take a few months to a year. If you start today, within a year, the habit could become a ‘no brainer.’ That could be something as simple as brushing and flossing after meals, taking a walk during your lunch break, or even simple stretches once an hour. It could be making your bed each morning, to create a sense of accomplishment and discipline. Admiral William McRaven shares that wisdom in his book “Make Your Bed: Little Things That Can Change Your Life… And Maybe The World.
What do you want to stop doing that has become a negative habit which wreaks havoc with your relationships or your health? Smoking cessation, getting sober, overindulging in food that does not serve your wellbeing goals? Listening more and talking less in your relationships? Regulating your emotions, especially anger? Being a better steward of your money rather than spending frivolously or compulsively? Being assertive and setting appropriate boundaries rather than being aggressive, passive, or passive aggressive? Giving up perfectionistic tendencies and cutting yourself some slack? Learning to love the person in the mirror rather than indulging in ‘critiholism’?
“The price of doing the same old thing is far higher than the price of change.” -Bill Clinton