In a previous blog, I discussed the dangers of being inducted into a cult. But what happens after you begin to suspect or fully realize that the group you’re in might be a cult?
The word cult can feel extreme. Over the top. Like something that happens to other people. But the reality is, many people find themselves enmeshed in a high-control group without realizing it, until the damage is already done.
One widely accepted definition of a cult is:
“An organized group whose purpose is to dominate cult members through psychological manipulation and pressure strategies.”
Once someone begins to see those patterns, whether in a religious group, a political movement, or even a so-called wellness community, they face a painful decision: Should I stay or should I leave?
What Does Cult Control Look Like?
Not all cults look like communes in the woods or secret underground bunkers. Some people live with cult influence while attending college, working full-time, and engaging with the outside world. Others live in isolated compounds with no access to the news, modern medicine, or even their own family members.
Take the story of a college student at a top-ranked university. He continued to live in his dorm and attend classes while slowly becoming more involved with a cult on campus. His descent was so gradual that his family didn’t recognize what was happening — not until he dropped out and moved into a group living house with other members.
Out of desperation, his family hired a deprogrammer to help extract him. Thankfully, the intervention was successful. He later became a deprogrammer himself and is now a respected psychologist, helping others break free from cult dynamics.
Stories like this are more common than you might think.
What If You Were Born Into a Cult?
Leaving is even more complicated when you’ve grown up in the group. It may be the only community you’ve ever known. And leaving can come with devastating consequences, from shunning and emotional manipulation to accusations of disloyalty and spiritual abandonment.
Many former members have courageously shared their experiences through memoirs, documentaries, and interviews. A common thread among them: it often takes witnessing or enduring extreme abuse, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, to give them the final push to leave.
Art Imitates Life
In a recent episode of the show Doc, a young woman arrives at a hospital believing she’s in the advanced stages of pregnancy. But she actually has a rapidly growing tumor. Raised in a cult that rejects modern medicine, she only fled when the symptoms became impossible to ignore.
When a cult elder tries to force her return, the hospital staff and later Child Protective Services, intervene. She’s abandoned by the cult but later reunites with her estranged brother, who helps her face the truth and begin her healing journey.
This storyline might sound dramatic, but it reflects the emotional and psychological complexity that many survivors face.
Cult Influence on the Brain
It’s not just emotional. Cult influence affects the brain at a neurological level.
According to a piece in NeuroLaunch, prolonged exposure to cult indoctrination can shrink activity in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for critical thinking and decision-making. Essentially, your brain’s CEO goes offline.
At the same time, cults often overstimulate the limbic system, your emotional brain center, leading to intense fear, guilt, and emotional reactivity. The result? It becomes incredibly difficult to make rational decisions or trust your own perceptions.
No wonder so many people stay or go back, even after doubting the group.
10 Signs You Might Be in a Cult
If you’re asking “Am I in a cult?” Here are 10 red flags to consider:
- Is there a charismatic leader who claims to have all the answers?
- Are you discouraged or punished for questioning the leader?
- Was there “love bombing” at first that’s now turned into control?
- Are you expected to cut ties with family, friends, or the outside world?
- Does the group use special language or symbols that separate members from “outsiders”?
- Are there threats, deprivation, or violence to keep people in line?
- Do members have to surrender money, property, or labor to prove loyalty?
- Are people gaslit when they question the group’s practices?
- Are mind control techniques like chanting, repetition, or sleep deprivation used?
- Are dissenters ostracized or demonized?
If you’re nodding along, it might be time to consider the next question.
Should You Leave?
Leaving a cult is rarely easy. But if you’ve begun to see the signs and feel the internal conflict rising, here are ten steps to help ease your transition:
- Your safety comes first. If your life or well-being is at risk, leaving may be your only option.
- Pay attention to moral injury. If you’re asked to hurt others or betray your own values, that’s a red flag.
- Remember who you were. Before you joined the group, who were you? Are you proud of who you’ve become?
- You are not foolish. Educated, intelligent people get drawn into cults every day.
- Ask: Do I want someone else controlling my thoughts and decisions?
- Question the leader’s authority. Is their word the only “truth” allowed?
- Monitor your mental health. Has your anxiety or depression worsened?
- Build an outside support system. Escape is much easier with allies.
- Notice how the group treats outsiders. Is there an “us vs. them” mindset?
- Know that healing is possible. People rebuild their lives every day after cult trauma.
- Cultwatch offers information and practical steps for safely exiting high-control groups.
- Therapists who specialize in religious trauma or cult recovery can support the healing process . (I am one of those therapists. Contact Me)
- Online support groups and memoirs by cult survivors offer solidarity and inspiration. I am offering an upcoming support group in the next few months.
- You are not alone. Whether you’ve just started questioning or are ready to walk away, support is available.
Leaving a cult is not the end of the story. It’s the beginning of reclaiming your life. Trust yourself. Ask the hard questions. And reach out for support.
For questions and information about starting therapy with me, click here.