There is a saying that ‘children grow up in different families together.’ Is it nature or nurture? The concept of birth order is fascinating and may impact on the ways in which children develop and the kind of adults they become. Keep in mind that theories are just that and there are no absolutes when it comes to the development of personality.
The American Psychological Association defines personality as “the enduring characteristics and behavior that comprise a person’s unique adjustment to life, including major traits, interests, drives, values, self-concept, abilities, and emotional patterns. Various theories explain the structure and development of personality.”
In an article called “How Personality Impacts Our Daily Lives,” Kendra Cherry, MSEd defines personality as “the unique patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that distinguish a person from others. A product of both biology and environment, it remains fairly consistent throughout life.” The word comes from Latin, extends from the word ‘persona,’ and reflects the mask that actors wear to disguise their identity.
Numerous studies have been conducted that describe personality attributes. Psychologist Alfred Adler posited that birth order could have strong implications for the qualities a person displays. These are tendencies and not absolutes.
First born children tend to be structured, overachieving and reliable.
He also spoke of only children who he claimed were conscientious, perfectionistic leaders.
A joke in parenting circles is that the first born is the ‘experimental child’. Parents want to do it all ‘right,’ so they may be more meticulous and structured. With the second child, they are more relaxed so if the baby drops the pacifier, instead of sterilizing it before giving it back, they pick it up, put it in their own mouths before popping it back in the baby’s mouth, practicing the ‘five second rule.’
Anecdotal evidence indicates that the older child may take on parental responsibilities in caring for their younger sibling, the middle child may feel like they are forgotten and live in the shadow of their older sibling(s) and the youngest may be overindulged because they are the ‘baby.’ In a family with multiple children, such as one with 13 siblings, a question arose about how the parents managed to care for all of them. The response from the daughter of one of the 13 was that the older children helped to take care of the younger children. It would be a fascinating study to ascertain the various personalities in this family, based on birth order.
A person who is the oldest of two children, with 2 ½ years between her and her younger sister, could look at this list and claim qualities from all four of these categories. She might have doubts that birth order has any more to do with individual proclivities, choices, and development than with the ways that she and her sister interacted with their parents and their broader school and community environment.
Take into consideration the space between the births of the children and the effect that might have. If an oldest child was an only child for years, they would have gotten accustomed to the adults’ attention before needing to relinquish it to a younger sibling. If the subsequent births come soon after, the oldest may not yet have the capacity to make a conscious choice of their role in the younger siblings’ lives or their place in the world.
Social science research around birth order and personality is complex and ongoing.
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