Living an authentic life means that we are living closer to our souls. We are no longer carrying the desires others have for us, whether well-intended or not. We are no longer “whittling away” the parts of ourselves pieces we feel are unpleasing to others, to try to fit into the mold in which others wish to place us.  We don’t try to imitate the beliefs or behaviors of others to please them.

But this also means that we recognize the truth about our authentic selves, including even the uncomfortable parts.

In psychotherapy we therapists always hope that a client can be willing and able to tell the truth, as best as they are aware of it.  Many clients have a hard time doing this, even with a therapist.  Often a big part of their work is becoming aware of their truth and being able to express it in a safe and comfortable way so they no longer are stuck in a place of self-rejection.  In fact, the ability to know and speak our truth sets us free.

Truth-telling, including being truthful to ourselves,  is something most of us struggle with. Why?

First, we often don’t tell ourselves and others the truth because it’s emotionally painful.  We don’t want to be hurtful, even to ourselves.  It often seems more comfortable to live in a fantasy “bubble” that feels less painful than the truth would be. Another reason we don’t tell the truth is that we want others to like us, especially our therapist.  Therefore, we make the decision, often unconsciously, to withhold painful information.  Clients may also withhold truth from their therapists because they may not feel ready or able to work through their current painful circumstances and internal reality.

It’s actually “therapeutic” for clients to tell their therapists the truth as often as possible, including feelings of anger or the desire to end therapy prematurely. As well, it is important to express feelings of discomfort with anything the therapist says during a therapy session. When accomplished, this kind of truth telling helps clients learn how to safely express themselves and how to share uncomfortable truths with others in their lives.
In fact, often a client will enter therapy in part because they were untruthful with a partner or someone close to them (or with themselves) and they are dealing with the unpleasant fallout of lying or omitting truth.

For example, when a client has an eating disorder, the client often hides the eating disorder, or hides “in” it, and is unable and unwilling to tell themselves and others what the eating disorder does to destroy the client’s body.  This false eating disorder voice always lies: “If you eat less and weigh less, you will be much happier.” (While this can be true for the short-term, lower body weight is never part of longer-term happiness.)  Actually, almost every mental health issue for which someone seeks therapy involves some way in which truths are ignored or denied.

A therapeutic setting for truth-telling, whether individually or in a group, can be very healing, as a client can practice this skill where truth is accepted and embraced, no matter how difficult. Rather than feeling ashamed and humiliated (as one may be accustomed to feeling), these truths can be accepted and integrated.

Telling the truth to ourselves and others is always a huge part of our growth and healing.  It’s an important reason to see a therapist and an important thing to work on in therapy and in the rest of our lives. When we tell the truth, we are in integrity and being authentic with ourselves.  We feel more self-acceptance and before long, greater self-confidence.