In our last post we provided a basic understanding of Attachment Styles. Now we will cover the healthiest of the relationships: the Secure Attachment Style, in which the majority of adults are classified.

An infant who has a steady, secure relationship with a primary caregiver learns that she can depend on others for consistent behavior. Rather than teetering on an unbalanced foundation, the child learns that it is safe to explore and learn independently. The child then becomes a balanced, steady adult, attracting secure relationships while still remaining independent.

Because infants are non-verbal, the brain becomes wired for non-verbal cues which, in the adult, become the foundation for relationship behavior. Body language, facial expressions and tone of voice all play a part in communication with a partner. A Secure adult does not need frequent verbal validation, as she or he recognizes the non-verbal cues in a partner.

The Secure adult knows how to offer and receive support in times of distress. Intimate relationships are independent, honest, secure – partners along life’s journey. The two are emotionally available for each other, and communication about feelings comes easily. Each partner has a strong and healthy sense of self, a soul awareness. Although they treasure their time together, they each enjoy independent activities.

Misunderstandings are usually minor and disagreements are handled in a mature, respectful way. Each partner can accept criticism without feeling attacked because trust remains strong, eliminating the need for defense. Without attack and defense, conflicts can even build trust as the partners feel secure in the relationship, being reminded with each disagreement that they are safe and loved.

In our next installments, we will begin discussing the insecure attachment styles starting with the Avoidant Attachment style, how it develops, and how it can be changed.